I must apologise for my slackness...

... as it's been such a long time since my last post. Things have been pretty up and down recently with regards to the guy.

For one, he moved out of his flat last week and as it was planned for the day after my birthday party, he couldn't make it to the venue. Unfortunately, the vast amounts of alcohol I consumed that evening meant that I wasn't best pleased with his no-show (c'mon, he lived five minutes away and all I wanted was a quick birthday snog outside the club, I didn't even want him to come in as all my friends were there) and made my displeasure quite obvious when he called to see how things were going.

He said that I should be "understanding" but why should I? The way I see it, that's a girlfriend's job, not mine. And this is where the whole redefinition of our relationship gets messy. Because we met under completely different circumstances, we've behaved a certain way with each other, always being very careful not to fall into boyfriend/girlfriend patterns of behaviour and roles. But now that we are both single, it feels as though this is turning into something more conventional and normal.

As much as I like him (and fancy the pants off him!) I don't see myself being his girlfriend. Sometimes I wish we had met under completely different circumstances, then there may be a possibility that this could go somewhere... but the fact that at the time of meeting we were both with other people is really stopping me from getting too emotionally involved.

I've not had a proper discussion with him about the fuckfriend thing. We spoke a lot recently and it seems as though we are both petrified and not very sure of how to deal with this. I may be seeing him this weekend but it's when I'm moving out of my place... and if he couldn't make the effort to see me last week, then why should I hurry with my packing and moving in... just so I can see him?

It's all getting very confusing again and I'm not entirely happy with the ways things are going now. If only I had a crystal ball so I could see what's in the future... then maybe I could chill out a little bit more and just enjoy myself!